You can only withdraw money if you have a surplus in the bank!
According to Green Bay Packers offensive lineman, Lucas Patrick, “Each person has an emotional bank account in dealing with other people.” When it comes to his teammates and coaches, “There have been a lot of deposits made.” Patrick credits these positive interactions within the walls of the locker room in allowing team members and coaches to effectively correct each other. Essentially Patrick is saying that each time you offer a positive comment to someone else, it’s like you are depositing money into an account. You are only able to then make a successful withdraw if you have a surplus of emotional credit in the bank.
Research from the field of sport and performance psychology would support this claim. Evidenced in the Gottman Index, a ratio of five positive comments to each criticism an individual receives is needed for relationships to thrive. Dr. Gottman came up with this magic ratio by studying children and married couples (Thompson, 2003). According to his work, children in the classroom flourished when the ratio was five to one; however, when the ratio sank to one to one or even two to one, their attitude was described as “despairing”. Married couples who lived by the five to one ratio tended to stay happily married, but the relationship was deemed “in trouble” and/or divorce was more likely if the ratio was lower (Cameron, 2013).
I serve as a high school teacher and coach. Unfortunately, I must admit that there are times when I walk through the hallways of our school and my mind is somewhere else, perhaps thinking about all of the items on my “get to” list for that day, ruminating about a recent email or interaction, or most likely reliving a specific play call or recent game in my mind. In these instances, there is no doubt that I have walked directly past one of our players without even acknowledging them. Not only is this poor manners but also lessens my ability to effectively coach this individual, as it is very difficult to achieve the five to one ratio only during a single day’s practice. Even the fictional coach, Ted Lasso, who is known for his extreme positivity would struggle to meet this mark; there is simply just not enough time, especially in youth sport.
Coaches- if you are lucky enough to work inside of the school where you coach, don’t underestimate the value of saying hello to your student-athletes between classes, in the lunchroom and other times throughout the school day. Administrators- don’t underestimate the value of hiring coaches to work inside the school building in order to help foster positive relationships. It may seem trivial, but just like pennies, these small occurrences create value and add up over time!
If you happen to be a coach who does not work inside of the school building, you must be extra cognizant of this fact and make a conscious effort to generate positive relationships with players before and after practice. Greeting players at the door, taking a walk through the locker room before practice, or going out of the way to create one more positive interaction with the athlete after practice before he/she goes home can make all the difference. Athletes who perceive that coaches are trying to help them are more coachable and in turn, become better athletes. However, this type of relationship can only be achieved if the coach is strategic in developing relationships. As the old saying goes, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Coach Nelson holds a doctorate in sport and performance psychology and currently serves as a high school football coach, trainer for the positive coaching alliance (PCA) and adjunct faculty member at Grand Canyon University. He has worked for multiple professional sport franchises, a Fortune 100 Company, a division 1 athletic departments and has won numerous awards for his LEADership abilities.
His mission is to positively influence the world through Love, Effort, Attitude and Discipline (#LEAD). To learn more about the LEAD philosophy follow him on Twitter Levi Nelson or reach out via email at rln10@zips.uakron.edu He’d love to learn about or help you in your journey!
References
Cameron, K. (2013). Practicing Positive Leadership. Tools and techniques that create extraordinary results. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
Thompson, J. (2003). The double-goal coach: Positive coaching tools for honoring the game and developing winners in sports and life. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers ISBN-13: 978–0060505318
