Dude…you live here
Author Ryan Holiday once witnessed his neighbor throw a Carl’s Jr. cup out of his car window onto the very same street in which he lived and thought to himself, “dude you live here;” astonished at his neighbors lack of pride or concern for his very own street.
I feel the same way when I witness students graffiti the bathrooms, desks, and/or hallways of the school they go to. For the life of me I can not fathom why someone would purposely want to destruct or take value away from something they claim to be their own (street, school, etc). I think or say to them, “you go to school here, don’t you want it look nice?” It’s like in the movie “Goodfellas” when Lorraine Bracco’s character doesn’t understand why the other wives would spit on their own floors.
It is easy to recognize the erred ways of a neighbor who litters, a high school graffiti artist, or the stupidly of spitting on your own floor but ironically we often portray the same careless approach in regards to our own bodies. We repeatedly poison them with junk food (and or alcohol), fail to exercise, don’t get enough sleep, take unnecessary risks and that’s just the tip of the iceberg! For most the list could go on and on. We ought to remember the thoughts of Ryan Holiday, “ dude you live here!” I could do better but for the most part I feel good in regards to how I take care of my own body. I eat a plant based diet and each day practice self-care routines such as exercise, meditation and proper sleep habits. Where I struggle is in the home where I actually live…
I enjoy a clean house and always make sure to clean up after myself. I also have no problem in picking up after others as I know life can get busy. Taking the load off of others is one of the ways I show my love. However I find it difficult when I perceive others have left something out of place as a result of laziness and will often go out of the way to NOT pick up after them. There have been times where I have washed a whole sink of dishes only to leave one with that mornings oatmeal or where I have moved someones dirty socks to a place more noticeable to my sock-less family member, rather than putting them in the laundry. In the moment I fell that I am proving a point by sending the subliminal message that, “I see your mess and I am not going to clean it up.”
I can’t be the only one who does this as there’s actually an episode of “Everybody Love’s Raymond” where a packed suitcase remains at the bottom of a staircase for weeks because the husband (Ray) and wife (Deborah) refuse to do something they believe is the other persons responsibility. Perhaps the episode is so humorous because from my (our) seat on the couch it seems ridiculous that the characters in the show would rather spend their days stressed, frustrated and eventually in a full blown argument than simply talking about their feelings; but it’s exactly the same thing I (we) do.
If I want to have a clean house and others are not pulling their own weight/ being considerate there are two options: 1-Pick up after them/not pick up after them without saying anything; hoping they get the hint about something that doesn’t bother them or 2-talk to them about it. It may sting a little in the moment or be uncomfortable to have a real conversation however in the long run it will pay dividends. Remember, “dude you live here.” There is enough stress out in the world, your home should be your sanctuary.
Coach Nelson holds a doctorate in sport and performance psychology and currently serves as a high school football coach, trainer for the positive coaching alliance (PCA) and adjunct faculty member at Grand Canyon University. He has worked for multiple professional sport franchises, a Fortune 100 Company, a division 1 athletic departments and has won numerous awards for his LEADership abilities.
His mission is to positively influence the world through Love, Effort, Attitude and Discipline (#LEAD). To learn more about the LEAD philosophy follow him on Twitter Levi Nelson or reach out via email at rln10@zips.uakron.edu He’d love to learn about or help you in your journey!
